Seething with Sadism...

While I honestly don't discuss bdsm much on here, not for any particular reason, I usually just write what is on my mind at the moment... thus my new entry. This is not going to be a very insightful entry, mind you. It may turn some of you on and it may turn some of you off... and I really couldn't fucking care either way. I am what and who I am... and for me bdsm is very much a skill, a craft that one learns and practices, something to be appreciated and respected... an art. While I don't expect everyone to take it so seriously nor do I deny them for playing on the lighter side...somethings just piss me the fuck off. First off, Rihanna needs to be bent the fuck over and  caned for her song "S&M"... and hard! I very much have the mentally that when someone says... "I am a sadist... or "I am a masochist".... I think, "oh really? , we'll see about that...", most of the time it's a playful yet serious mentally. The push and pull. Anyone who has ever played with me knows that you get an in depth education as well. I am also extremely versatile when it comes to playing and never take on a scene unless it is something of an interest to, as mutual enjoyment is a key factor for me and for a great scene. I believe that if you say the words... I enjoy Bdsm... and here's the catch and call yourself experienced, then you should abso-fucking lutely know what BDSM stands for, because if not, you're kind of an idiot. This whole song has everyone and their mother, who has ever used a pair of handcuffs during sex stating that they are into s&m, making ignorant comments and giggles, and anyone who knows about it knows that bondage isn't S&M and a simple pair of cuffs is simply just kinky, spicing it up a little, it's not bdsm... and it is really pissing me the fuck off... BDSM isn't like playing house, it's an immersion, a state of mind you either have or don't, it's not something acquired but rather brought out and feed. It's not a game of make believe, it's not like playing house... the thing  is, while I welcome everyone and anyone who comes to me respectfully at any level of experience, those who are disrespectful to me and my beloved world and the people who inhabit it... which is very much how I feel with this new generation of idiots who think Rihanna came up with the expression, "sticks and stones make break my bones but whips and chains excite me"...  It's akin to being a lawyer and then seeing someone else claim to be one mean while he's never even passed the Bar and wouldn't know a courtroom if he was inside of one.  I have a great deal of self control, but I am surrounded by uneducated morons lately (only in my personal life, might I add... as that's usually where they tend to pop up)... also I do have an extremely sadistic side of me... so I've just been bathing in it lately... my mind dizzy with deeply depraved desires... and as I often say to a good friend of mine in the scene (an inside joke)... "I'm Queen Goddammit" and I feel like to declaring to the whole bunch of them "You're all idiots!" .... now off with your heads! I am being somewhat comical, though I am serious... do not piss in my sandbox because I will shit all over you and yours, slowly... and I will get an immense about of pleasure doing so... that my dear, sweet Rihanna and these fools who unfortunately breathe my air, is sheer sadism... take a lesson or I just may teach you one. Mental sadism... mindfucking and physical sadism... I enjoy both... on a consensual basis of course, well... for the most part ;) 


Yes, I do realize this somewhat contradicts certain things I have stated in previous posts...but there are always exceptions.. and don't tell me not to let it get to me... because I want to play with it and sadism is like soaking in a nice hot bath... it invigorates my mind and body...


I haven't edited this at all... so there may be many errors... which at the moment, I don't really fucking care about.

A Letter to America from the Queen...

 I was sent this a few years back from a British fellow I had the great pleasure to play with. I re read it from time to time as I do get such a kick out of it.


                    A letter to America from the Queen:

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
Kansas,which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
-------------------
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
'doughnut'without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize'
will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected
to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
-------------------
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the
elimination of -ize.
-------------------
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready
to shoot grouse.
----------------------
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit
of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.
--------------------
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on
earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of
British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will
be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's
ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of
nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash
you, like they regularly thrash us.
---------------------
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it... and Not because it's "Trendy" either!

Actually, I've kissed many girls for many years. I'm bisexual, but I love kissing girls. I've actually made out with a lot of straight girls as well.

I know, I look a bit evil. They were just playful phone photos we did before we shot video. I was actually wound up. I had just taken the train in in the middle of a storm and my nerves were shooting off like tiny flare guns. I hadn't quite settled into my skin yet and let's face it, she's fucking gorgeous! Funny thing about my eyes, not only did they shoot like that, I don't think I need to explain what I am referring to either, but they kept shooting like that, I think my friend got maybe a couple of photos where I didn't look demonic. I actually wish my eyes really looked like that, I'm kind of really digging it. They say that the eyes are the windows to our souls, maybe that explains it then. So I could sit here and give you all the juicy details, but I don't want to be vulgar (who stole the cookie from the cookie jar...not me!).... or I can just make you wait until the clips are ready and you can cum see for yourself. Besides it's more fun this way :) I posted the picture, I think that was plenty nice already. So, wet dreams, sleep tight, fuck off, goodnight.

What the FUCK is Wrong with some People?!

I don't even know where to begin. From time to time, someone will think I'm jaded, and I'm not. I'm just realistic and walk around with my eyes open for fuck's sake. I've been through a lot of shit, I'm going through a lot of shit, I will continue to go through a great deal of shit in my life, it's just part of it. It's the crust when you just want the filling, the chicken when you just want the skin, the ice cream when you just want the whipped cream, it just is... part of life... and don't cry for me Argentina, I get to eat the yummy part as well. Anyway, I make fun of people sometimes and I love stand up comedy, that said, I don't make fun of disabilities or sicknesses, not that I can recall. I also educate myself on a topic before I go making claims. This could just all be irritation stemming from the Yankee game last night. Fuck, I love them, but they just did not have their shit together, see, there it is again, shit, even the Yankees have it. Ooh, and Andrew Jones, I just wanted to smack that smirk right off of his face,... but then Swisher was put in to play for him.  Anyway, so here is what has gotten me all huffed and puffed this morning... in case anyone hasn't figured it out by now, I am not religious. I recently saw a picture on the internet with a group of people holding up signs saying "God hates fags"... then it had under it "re-blog if this is not your God", I like the whole movement, but ... now, here's the thing, I know some of those people and it actually is their God. They get to choose what God they believe in, not WHAT their God does. I don't get people and religion it's like they sit there and cross out all the lines that don't apply to them and their views and preach the other ones. Now, I'm not actually against it and unless I am having a debate with someone who I feel can handle it, as religion is one of the topics you want to stray away from, people get really offended when I say I don't believe in God. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite spiritual, just not religious. I know this is kind of a taboo topic too, especially considering the last few days, but when it comes to war and religion, I'm like "What the Fuck?!", I picture a bunch of "Gods" sitting around at a poker table and taking a shot every time their "side" gets one. It's so preposterous to me, that's all. I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure no God wants their followers fighting, least of all over them. It baffles me, that's all and I am sure I am going to get a number of emails in regards to this and how religious text can be interpreted in a number of ways, but I have to say, some not so much. Also, then we look at ancient times, you know, B.C.- before christmas (just kidding), and we scoff at their gods and goddesses, their deities. We even refer to it as MYTHOLOGY, damn, right there myths... but they were as real to them as any God is today. In fact, the stories are often more beautiful and thought provoking and reflect human nature more betterer (yup, not a word, you got me), anyway then "thou shall not...", because, let's face it, we're human, we have emotions and desires.Everyone lies and everyone sins. Me, personally, I don't believe there is anything wrong with sinning. It's just a word, like shit and damn and fuck and cunt and sparkle and fine and nice. Some words just allow passion, agony, betrayal, admiration and anger to flow through them more betterer ( work with me here, I still haven't slept). I didn't even mean to get on the whole God rant. So, I have also come across people who are discussing their multiple personality disorders and dissociative identity disorders and using them to seek attention. I cut when I was younger, I haven't since I was a teen, I knew a lot of girls that did, but no one ever talked about it, it was a very private thing. Now, you see people doing it just for attention left and right, and you can tell or at least I can. Clearly, they are off if they resort to those means for attention, but quite frankly, it irritates me, no, no, it irritates the fuck out of me. I have seen girls do it to keep boyfriends, and many other reasons. Now, what I have seen is the faking of MPD, which usually you don't know you have because you fucking have no recollection and it's true cases are still rare.  Oh no, it gets better, because these people have stories that they get along with all their personalities and can speak with them, which, really isn't known to happen... and wait for it, while some people who suffer from it have had  personalities from all ages and be of both genders, now there are girls, mostly teenagers I am noticing,  claim to have humans, some of other nationalities, angels and also demons that they converse with and refer to themselves as "we". I think it's just stemming from a need to feel special, different, chosen, and attention, but it's kind of like faking cancer, they are taking a life altering mental illness and playing with it... and it pisses me off. Wear black nail polish, dye your hair blue, wear a tee shirt that says Bitch on it, read a "book" on your stupid kindle... start a fire and then toss it in. I realize I come off as somewhat hostile and if I do, then watch an episode of the fucking Jersey Shore. I haven't, but every kid/teen/young adult I know loves it and I was watching the Comedy Central Roast for Trump and "the situation" was on it, yea, because when I think Donald Trump I automatically think of him, what the fuck, I have no fucking clue why, anyway, oh he was horrible, you can probably you tube it. First off, my family is from Italy and he's a total embarrassment to Italians, to America and just to the human race in general... and we wonder why other countries have issues with us? We made him a fucking celebrity! Most horrifying thing I have seen all year. My point being, this is the stuff that kids have and are growing up on now, and idolizing... aspiring to act like a schmuck and then become wealthy and famous for doing so. There's going to be a zombie apocalypse which stems from watching reality tv shows like that shit, I'm telling you, mark my words, it scares me. Okay, so let's see, that's the Yankees, God, the decline of society,  yup, end rant, I'm good...well I have my moments. ;)

Yummy Cream Pie....

Boston cream pie that is! Pervert :)


I just got back from Boston a few days ago, and that little penis of a state, florida, sorry (not really), but tell me that you haven't looked at a map at least once in your life, maybe when you were twelve and thought so. It's the penis state... and oranges, and I'm sorry (no I'm not) but when I stay in a hotel in florida and they say they have freshly squeezed orange juice, it should be freshly squeezed because I am not a fucking moron and I can fucking tell you bastards, because it never is! That's how you get a free five dollar glass of orange juice in florida. Call them on their bullshit. Maybe something is freshly squeezed in that juice but it certainly isn't oranges. It's funny, I have a dear friend that if he spoke to me early in the morning and heard that come from my mouth he would probably say something similar to... "Oh, I see what kinda mood you're in this morning" or "I see what kinda day it's gonna be". I have no idea where that came from. Sometimes, I just refuse to take things seriously. You need to joke about all the things you're able to, even though, I'm not joking about the damn juice :) ...because a lot of the times, laughing is all we can do and it does a lot more for us than we can/could imagine, also, it can be contagious, anger, hatred and ignorance certainly are. Look at a ten year old, a twenty year old, a thirty year old and so on... what's the difference... the most obvious... not intelligence, certainly not always wisdom... experience, yes, but that doesn't count for shit more than half the time. We lose that silly quality, the playfulness, the desire to spin around and around until we get dizzy and fall over. Life happens, yes, but we let it happen to us. Don't. We all started off just wanting to play and have fun, to laugh and learn. Life teaches us best, not school. Yet, so many of us wind up tired, defeated by it. Constantly fighting. Too busy living to laugh. Maybe I'm rambling. I told my 16 year neighbor... at her age I was always very kind and respectful to strangers... I don't know why, I had nothing against them I suppose. I was a cashier (and a straight A, behavioral management school kid... I was a responsible, intelligent delinquent I suppose... all my choices, I admitted it then, I'll admit it now... it wasn't because I was hanging out with the wrong group of friends *ahem*, another shining example of how we always try and pass the blame around) but people always just came natural to me, anyway... so I told her (she recently got a job as a cashier), they're gonna piss you off, they're gonna be assholes, dickheads and bitches... and rude too. Here's the thing though, just smile... it's a win/win deal. There is a good chance that they're having a bad day, week or in a bad situation and they're just taking it out on you, it's not right, but try to be nice and smile, because it might change their whole day. That there have been times when one person, somewhere, on a line, a train, a cashier, someone was nice, maybe smiled, talked, said something sweet... and it made me smile, and changed the rest of my day... and, if at heart, they're just a major fucktard, you'll just confuse them and piss them off. You can't control other people, manipulate, yes, control, no. You can only control yourself. Anything else is an illusion... and I admit, that many times, though I'm good with helping out strangers and the whole "paying it forward" concept, I do have my moments where I am just like, "Nope, not today asshole", in my head mostly... and don't fuck with me in Times Square, I loathe that place, I go there for Broadway and that's about it... or when it's raining in the city and I am walking, umbrellas are weapons... and I don't use them nor would I trust myself with one... so the city and rain, it's battle. Anyway, so Boston, was so lovely. It was a cute, little, clean, polite nyc. The people are delightful and they interact with you in a non-violent manor! It's a shame about the Red Sox though, but I'll just give them that one flaw for now. Can't fault the whole place just for that. I can't wait to go back and do some sight seeing, which I rarely do, but I am completely smitten with Boston. I also realized how many actors really do fuck up the accent as well... ouch. Much like everything else Hollywood tries to recreate, they do butcher it, with exceptions, of course. Boston warmed me in my special place... no, the other special place... *shakes head* ... pervert. The way seeing Christmas lights, listening to Christmas music, snow and all that other holiday crap does. I really love ny... I am a new yorker at heart, always will be, even when I move, but, damn I can't stand it here much longer! I suspect there may be a bit of a nomad in me, or perhaps it's just the curiosity and desire to explore... myself, other people, other cultures, the world... and Boston! I am actually considering where to go next, I am due for LA and DC, probably in June though, I think in May, it will be Chicago and I want to go someplace new, but not a really big city... maybe Ohio or Indiana, could work... if nothing else, I have never been to either one. I'll have to take a gander and give it some thought over the next few days. Fuck paragraphs, my brain doesn't separate my thoughts, so, fuck 'em. Also, I like sparkly objects... and guns.

"There's No Crying in Baseball" ... and I Kind of Gave a Compliment to the Red Sox and then Pigs Flew...

So, this is not going to be one of my more mentally stimulating posts... because I caught a touch of stupidity last night. I haven't had a night out in a good six months, no joke. Sometimes I like to, sometimes I just don't. I go through stages, and I've been in a homebody stage lately, and just got caught up dealing with a crap load of shit on top of shit. So it was around midnight last night, and I was just waking up... yes, I have a horrible sleep schedule, bouts of insomnia and my body tells me to go fuck myself whenever I make an effort to regulate it. So I just deal. So, a gf I haven't seen since thanksgiving called me, she had been wrapped up in her own shit. She wanted to go out, catch up and I was kind of like, you know, okay, why not. Well, now I know why not. I haven't really drank all that much in months, a glass or two of wine here or there, or beer. Haven't had a drop of liquor since october. Anyway, so we go to this quiet little wine bar, order a bottle of pinot grigio, I don't know what the fuck it was, she ordered it, but it wasn't good. We caught up, yay, good for us, that was nice. Then... she gets a call. Let's go here. It was a little after 2am, oddly enough I wasn't totally not feeling the idea. I hadn't had a nice girls out in a long time. Here's the thing, I had never been to the place, but it did have more of a mature, upscale not frat house style reputation to it. Thankfully, because I hate those places. So we walk in, fuck the cover charge. We meet up with her friend, total sweetheart. The music was great, a mix of 80s and 90s dance. Then I bump into the one guy I had a date with in the last six months. Did I mention it sucked. The only date I had gone on, because I just have had no desire, and forced myself to and it sucked and thus no desire. The room is packed and somehow this fucker finds me. It really didn't matter, because apparently no one had any communication skills or the ability to hold an intelligent conversation. So I found someone that showed promise, not so hard to shine in a crowd of melee apples. That may not be the best analogy, I don't care. So, I wind up taking care of my friend, because, she's the type to let guys buy her shots and I won't unless I'm actually going to hang out with them and I only had one glass of wine there and... she's a lightweight. I have to say this guy was really cool, I've seen guys be total dicks about it, they just don't get that I'm not going to leave a friend I came with. And yes, she's bisexual and I'm bi, so we have made out in the past, because I know half of you are/were wondering. Anyway, this new dickhead drives me home. I never do that, but he was pretty decent, because I had to drive her home in her car and then I would have had to call a cab. He just had a personality and seemed intelligent, and he did and was, it just wasn't a very good one and he lacked the ability to be open minded. Here's where the dickhead part came in. We were having a promising conversation, and then we got into a debate about... yup, baseball. The Yankees. He was a Mets fan, that wasn't the problem. Problem was, I can have a heated discussion and not take it personally, he couldn't. Not only that, but he couldn't debate it for shit, because he had no input, hiss only stance was to constantly challenge me and tell me I was wrong. The fact was we were discussing opinions, so by definition I couldn't be wrong. He didn't get that, he couldn't answer any direct questions and refused to give an opinion other than that mine was wrong. Real nice shiny apple, right? I think he just didn't know as much about baseball or the games as I did but didn't want to admit to it, because he was able to debate prior shit. So other than just saying so, which would have been fine to admit but I guess some guys don't like girls who know more about baseball than they do, I don't know, I don't care frankly. He constantly was trying to turn the table round and round and take control over the conversation. It doesn't really work with me and I really didn't care. I think he had a lot of insecurity issues. He even told my friend he thought all attractive girls were bitches. I didn't find that out until a little later.  There's smart, there's intelligent, there's being open minded, there's a lot that comes into play. More than just intelligent and not so much. So I mentioned something about how it's important to not be so narrow minded as to not be able to at least step outside yourself and look at other people's points of view and how I may be a Yankees fan, but I can watch the tigers or the red sox and appreciate some of their players and the potential they display. Then he made the dickhead comment. When I said the part about the red sox, he said and I quote, "See, now I know you know nothing about baseball and are just another dumb woman.". Yes, I know!!! I got insulted for sort of complimenting the Red Sox of all things!!! So needless to say at this point, I took it personally. I didn't flip out or anything, it just wasn't worth it and I knew for a good half hour it was over, maybe more. I just kinda was having fun letting off steam, even if, ultimately I was having a one sided debate. I also, liked seeing the irritation in him build, it was amusing. Also, you can call me anything you want, it's not going to get to me or shake me. It's going to go in one ear and right out the other. Not because I'm stubborn, even though I am, but because I know what I am and what I'm not. Now if he would have said bitch, I would have probably said "sometimes, yea", but dumb, not in the least bit and I know it. I'm not arrogant either, just secure.  So, I stepped out of his car a little while after that, there was more annoying shit coming out of his mouth... finally he had something to say. I closed the door and was fully prepared to not be the bitch I felt building up inside of me. I wasn't either... but.... he made some dumbass comment about making sure I shut the door all the way and it was nasty, so  I re-opened it and told him to "shut it his fucking self" and walked away. So, I stayed in bed stupid for a few hours. It passed, luckily I don't think I caught anything serious. So this about sums it up... "Argghhhh!!!!", that's my utter, shining, brilliance of the day. I warned, I stated, not my most intellectually stimulating post. Just be careful, stupid is out there, they haven't quite figured out a way to quarantine it yet. It's spreading like wildfire...  Wear a mask, plug up your ears, your asses, do whatever you have to avoid catching it as I do believe there's no known cure.

Clearly, I am being dramatic and joking. So let me just state... there's no fucking crying in baseball, but there are idiots. Here's the thing to. I did text him after that thanking him for helping me with my friend, driving me home, and just stating that I didn't take it personally until he called me dumb and that was just rude and disrespectful and that was something i did not and do not tolerate. Nothing nasty, I did appreciate it. Just because someone has dickhead moments doesn't mean they are, and I do think that was the case with him. I think he was just insecure. I think he didn't exactly know how to handle me, it happens... and the Yankees still rule!!!

An Apple a Day, Keeps the Doctor Away...It's Totally True, I Read it on Wikipedia...

Coming soon...

(I took a break to masturbate, so I'll be back when I feel like it to continue my rant) and no, you can't watch... you can go fuck your own self though. That is something I completely condone. Bye for now.

Ooh... and go Yankees!