Thursday, June 23, 2011

This Is Why Evoltuion Takes a Really Long Time...

I don't really know where to start. I have had a long fucking week. I don't know what happened but I don't think I received the brain I was supposed to. I don't think my brain was made in America. I realize that's an odd statement, but my brain is a very special exotic blend of dysfunctional. I don't get it. So people cheat. People lie. We do some fucked up shit. We're assholes. We're bitches. Why is this still news and why the fuck is this still surprising and why the hell does Sarah Jessica Parker get a hit tv show based off her character's hit column when my blog is so much better. I actually liked the show quite a bit, but Sex and the City it was not, and we're from the same city so I don't get it. So why is it that people are still shocked when it comes out that so and so is cheating or gay or lied or got drunk and said some stupid ass shit. We all fucking do it, have fucking thought about it or have had it done to us, why is it fucking news. I want to walk out one day and hear that Arnold's mistress had a fucking purple baby pop out with three heads, which said in unison "I'll be back" and then popped back into her... or Obama: it's really just a spray on tan, because I would stop for a moment for that shit, I would say, "Well, I'll be fucking damned, that's some fucking news", but nope, everyone has to make a big deal out sex scandals, just normal, run of the mill, vanilla sex. I'd be more surprised if they reported that Tiger Woods had never had an affair and had been completely faithful, that would surprise me. Then everyone has to ask why, we have to get middle America's opinion. Oh yay! I don't care where I am, I roll my eyes and yell at the tv "Because he fucking can, that's why!" Why do you? What's your excuse you fucking hypocrites! Can you really blame them. One, they're human and two, they're rich and famous... Why the fuck is America always so god damned surprised at this, are we really that stupid and ignorant? I know, it's mean, but it's also true, so put your big girl panties on and handle it or shut the fuck up. I am not against love, I think love is great, I think sleeping with only the same person night after night for the rest of your lives sounds like wishful thinking to me and if I am being completely honest, boring (throw another person or a kangaroo in there or something). I know personally, I'd want my own room. I wanted it when I was twelve, I got it and I am never giving it up. There are somethings I don't like sharing. I don't want to share my dessert, I don't want to share my drink, I don't want to share my car, and I most certainly don't want to share my bed. I will tell you one thing I don't mind sharing though, my bf or gf, because it's just sex, sex does not equate love or trust, sex actually has a tendency to destroy trust and as long as they are with me, I'm realistic, I don't need to walk by the tv one day and see their fucking face on the god damn news. I fucking love my Jeep, but you know what, you add "and that's the only car for the rest of your life", and it sounds like a demon whispering that shit in your ear, it echos. I may be perfectly happy with a pair of shoes, I may love them, but that does not mean I don't want or can't see the logic behind wanting to wear a different pair, a shiny or sparkly pair, another color, just a different fucking pair at times... and if I were Tiger Woods, I would have a different pair delivered whenever I fucking felt like it, at two am, on a sunday morning, and I would sip champagne out of them, before and after I wore them... and we're really going to blame him? And these fuckers get bullied into resignation over sex, are you shitting me, this is why. Yup, America sat on the statue of liberty and got it stuck up it's ass... most men can't admit it in front of their significant others because they'd get crucified and women get too god damned insecure about it and feel threatened, it's like an anthrax scare, but with sex...and that will eventually be a contributing factor to the demise of their own relationships, whether they know it or have to find it out about it on the news... and I don't know if anyone has realized it, but news has the word new in it, therefore alluding to the fact that it's new. It's not, it's fucking olds. They might as well carve it on a fucking tablet. We're basically just domesticated animals who can talk, type and pee in bowl, and some of us can't manage that at times (myself included), but you know what, we need to stop pretending we don't have animalistic urges and desires. So please stop drinking their Kool Aid... and read a book, you can find them in a place called the library... because you can not go to borders books anymore, they only carry coffee, stationary, candy, cds, dvds, and the Twilight series, that's it. That's it, that's all they have.

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