Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Lose Your Mind.... and the Rest Won't Always Follow...

I know that it has been quite a bit of time since my last post. I think we tread a thin line between being innovative and passionate and downright insane. There's something about living in the dark corners of our minds and exploring them that separates us from others. There's a need, a drive, an insanity there. I have been working on building out my space in Ct, which is stressful as the space is very raw and peaceful and depravity dwells there quite comfortably and doesn't seem to want to move out, which is just fine by me. A part of me wants to keep it fairly simple, a bit filthy with its beautifully decaying brick and I couldn't love it more. Though, still, somethings are needed, heat, walls, a kitchen, bit of tlc, and of course lots of toys and contraptions for my sadistic and depraved mind. I have a few new friends and they are so vanilla, their lifestyles...it's like a trip from my land to theirs, I know I don't belong and can't stay, it's quite odd really. Also, I have been driving myself mad, alright I am already quite mad to begin with, but starting up my own production company has proved to be quite the... production. I could do it next week if I wanted to have lame, bad, crappy content. But good, truly erotic quality content, properly shot and edited, that's taking time and good equipment. In fact, I have ditched final cut pro and found love in adobe after effects... we're going to get married and have kids and a white picket fence painted with liquid latex. I love fences, but one should never have one unless they are going to use them properly and bind someone to them. Otherwise they seem to be a bit of a waste. Also, I trusted someone more than I should of, usually I don't do this... because they screwed me over. It's one thing to disagree, it's another to be an immature fuck about it and screw someone over with no good reason. If you have a reason, that I can respect and understand, but to do it in a pansy ass little kid who doesn't get their way and is just sulking. No respect for that. I like to try a mature, fair approach for a bit, I can be very patient, I give people multiple chances to do the right thing but people never seem to respond to this... which doesn't surprise me. I probably do it for my own piece of mind because then when I have to fight, I fight fucking dirty, and I'm brilliantly brutal, especially seeing as how I don't have many morals or boundaries and I mindfuck for a living, a sport and just for fucking fun...though still I just would rather take the easier, kinder approach, and also, it's less time consuming, but much more often than not people don't respond to this, they want to play, get one over on you, be a dick and fuck around with you because they think they can away with it and they are getting off on it, and I may not have a dick, but if I did, it would be bigger. I don't want to be a cunt, if I can avoid it I will and I do try, but when I have to be, I am truly a fucking fabulous cunt. *Insert end of rant here*

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