What the FUCK is Wrong with some People?!

I don't even know where to begin. From time to time, someone will think I'm jaded, and I'm not. I'm just realistic and walk around with my eyes open for fuck's sake. I've been through a lot of shit, I'm going through a lot of shit, I will continue to go through a great deal of shit in my life, it's just part of it. It's the crust when you just want the filling, the chicken when you just want the skin, the ice cream when you just want the whipped cream, it just is... part of life... and don't cry for me Argentina, I get to eat the yummy part as well. Anyway, I make fun of people sometimes and I love stand up comedy, that said, I don't make fun of disabilities or sicknesses, not that I can recall. I also educate myself on a topic before I go making claims. This could just all be irritation stemming from the Yankee game last night. Fuck, I love them, but they just did not have their shit together, see, there it is again, shit, even the Yankees have it. Ooh, and Andrew Jones, I just wanted to smack that smirk right off of his face,... but then Swisher was put in to play for him.  Anyway, so here is what has gotten me all huffed and puffed this morning... in case anyone hasn't figured it out by now, I am not religious. I recently saw a picture on the internet with a group of people holding up signs saying "God hates fags"... then it had under it "re-blog if this is not your God", I like the whole movement, but ... now, here's the thing, I know some of those people and it actually is their God. They get to choose what God they believe in, not WHAT their God does. I don't get people and religion it's like they sit there and cross out all the lines that don't apply to them and their views and preach the other ones. Now, I'm not actually against it and unless I am having a debate with someone who I feel can handle it, as religion is one of the topics you want to stray away from, people get really offended when I say I don't believe in God. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite spiritual, just not religious. I know this is kind of a taboo topic too, especially considering the last few days, but when it comes to war and religion, I'm like "What the Fuck?!", I picture a bunch of "Gods" sitting around at a poker table and taking a shot every time their "side" gets one. It's so preposterous to me, that's all. I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure no God wants their followers fighting, least of all over them. It baffles me, that's all and I am sure I am going to get a number of emails in regards to this and how religious text can be interpreted in a number of ways, but I have to say, some not so much. Also, then we look at ancient times, you know, B.C.- before christmas (just kidding), and we scoff at their gods and goddesses, their deities. We even refer to it as MYTHOLOGY, damn, right there myths... but they were as real to them as any God is today. In fact, the stories are often more beautiful and thought provoking and reflect human nature more betterer (yup, not a word, you got me), anyway then "thou shall not...", because, let's face it, we're human, we have emotions and desires.Everyone lies and everyone sins. Me, personally, I don't believe there is anything wrong with sinning. It's just a word, like shit and damn and fuck and cunt and sparkle and fine and nice. Some words just allow passion, agony, betrayal, admiration and anger to flow through them more betterer ( work with me here, I still haven't slept). I didn't even mean to get on the whole God rant. So, I have also come across people who are discussing their multiple personality disorders and dissociative identity disorders and using them to seek attention. I cut when I was younger, I haven't since I was a teen, I knew a lot of girls that did, but no one ever talked about it, it was a very private thing. Now, you see people doing it just for attention left and right, and you can tell or at least I can. Clearly, they are off if they resort to those means for attention, but quite frankly, it irritates me, no, no, it irritates the fuck out of me. I have seen girls do it to keep boyfriends, and many other reasons. Now, what I have seen is the faking of MPD, which usually you don't know you have because you fucking have no recollection and it's true cases are still rare.  Oh no, it gets better, because these people have stories that they get along with all their personalities and can speak with them, which, really isn't known to happen... and wait for it, while some people who suffer from it have had  personalities from all ages and be of both genders, now there are girls, mostly teenagers I am noticing,  claim to have humans, some of other nationalities, angels and also demons that they converse with and refer to themselves as "we". I think it's just stemming from a need to feel special, different, chosen, and attention, but it's kind of like faking cancer, they are taking a life altering mental illness and playing with it... and it pisses me off. Wear black nail polish, dye your hair blue, wear a tee shirt that says Bitch on it, read a "book" on your stupid kindle... start a fire and then toss it in. I realize I come off as somewhat hostile and if I do, then watch an episode of the fucking Jersey Shore. I haven't, but every kid/teen/young adult I know loves it and I was watching the Comedy Central Roast for Trump and "the situation" was on it, yea, because when I think Donald Trump I automatically think of him, what the fuck, I have no fucking clue why, anyway, oh he was horrible, you can probably you tube it. First off, my family is from Italy and he's a total embarrassment to Italians, to America and just to the human race in general... and we wonder why other countries have issues with us? We made him a fucking celebrity! Most horrifying thing I have seen all year. My point being, this is the stuff that kids have and are growing up on now, and idolizing... aspiring to act like a schmuck and then become wealthy and famous for doing so. There's going to be a zombie apocalypse which stems from watching reality tv shows like that shit, I'm telling you, mark my words, it scares me. Okay, so let's see, that's the Yankees, God, the decline of society,  yup, end rant, I'm good...well I have my moments. ;)

Yummy Cream Pie....

Boston cream pie that is! Pervert :)


I just got back from Boston a few days ago, and that little penis of a state, florida, sorry (not really), but tell me that you haven't looked at a map at least once in your life, maybe when you were twelve and thought so. It's the penis state... and oranges, and I'm sorry (no I'm not) but when I stay in a hotel in florida and they say they have freshly squeezed orange juice, it should be freshly squeezed because I am not a fucking moron and I can fucking tell you bastards, because it never is! That's how you get a free five dollar glass of orange juice in florida. Call them on their bullshit. Maybe something is freshly squeezed in that juice but it certainly isn't oranges. It's funny, I have a dear friend that if he spoke to me early in the morning and heard that come from my mouth he would probably say something similar to... "Oh, I see what kinda mood you're in this morning" or "I see what kinda day it's gonna be". I have no idea where that came from. Sometimes, I just refuse to take things seriously. You need to joke about all the things you're able to, even though, I'm not joking about the damn juice :) ...because a lot of the times, laughing is all we can do and it does a lot more for us than we can/could imagine, also, it can be contagious, anger, hatred and ignorance certainly are. Look at a ten year old, a twenty year old, a thirty year old and so on... what's the difference... the most obvious... not intelligence, certainly not always wisdom... experience, yes, but that doesn't count for shit more than half the time. We lose that silly quality, the playfulness, the desire to spin around and around until we get dizzy and fall over. Life happens, yes, but we let it happen to us. Don't. We all started off just wanting to play and have fun, to laugh and learn. Life teaches us best, not school. Yet, so many of us wind up tired, defeated by it. Constantly fighting. Too busy living to laugh. Maybe I'm rambling. I told my 16 year neighbor... at her age I was always very kind and respectful to strangers... I don't know why, I had nothing against them I suppose. I was a cashier (and a straight A, behavioral management school kid... I was a responsible, intelligent delinquent I suppose... all my choices, I admitted it then, I'll admit it now... it wasn't because I was hanging out with the wrong group of friends *ahem*, another shining example of how we always try and pass the blame around) but people always just came natural to me, anyway... so I told her (she recently got a job as a cashier), they're gonna piss you off, they're gonna be assholes, dickheads and bitches... and rude too. Here's the thing though, just smile... it's a win/win deal. There is a good chance that they're having a bad day, week or in a bad situation and they're just taking it out on you, it's not right, but try to be nice and smile, because it might change their whole day. That there have been times when one person, somewhere, on a line, a train, a cashier, someone was nice, maybe smiled, talked, said something sweet... and it made me smile, and changed the rest of my day... and, if at heart, they're just a major fucktard, you'll just confuse them and piss them off. You can't control other people, manipulate, yes, control, no. You can only control yourself. Anything else is an illusion... and I admit, that many times, though I'm good with helping out strangers and the whole "paying it forward" concept, I do have my moments where I am just like, "Nope, not today asshole", in my head mostly... and don't fuck with me in Times Square, I loathe that place, I go there for Broadway and that's about it... or when it's raining in the city and I am walking, umbrellas are weapons... and I don't use them nor would I trust myself with one... so the city and rain, it's battle. Anyway, so Boston, was so lovely. It was a cute, little, clean, polite nyc. The people are delightful and they interact with you in a non-violent manor! It's a shame about the Red Sox though, but I'll just give them that one flaw for now. Can't fault the whole place just for that. I can't wait to go back and do some sight seeing, which I rarely do, but I am completely smitten with Boston. I also realized how many actors really do fuck up the accent as well... ouch. Much like everything else Hollywood tries to recreate, they do butcher it, with exceptions, of course. Boston warmed me in my special place... no, the other special place... *shakes head* ... pervert. The way seeing Christmas lights, listening to Christmas music, snow and all that other holiday crap does. I really love ny... I am a new yorker at heart, always will be, even when I move, but, damn I can't stand it here much longer! I suspect there may be a bit of a nomad in me, or perhaps it's just the curiosity and desire to explore... myself, other people, other cultures, the world... and Boston! I am actually considering where to go next, I am due for LA and DC, probably in June though, I think in May, it will be Chicago and I want to go someplace new, but not a really big city... maybe Ohio or Indiana, could work... if nothing else, I have never been to either one. I'll have to take a gander and give it some thought over the next few days. Fuck paragraphs, my brain doesn't separate my thoughts, so, fuck 'em. Also, I like sparkly objects... and guns.

"There's No Crying in Baseball" ... and I Kind of Gave a Compliment to the Red Sox and then Pigs Flew...

So, this is not going to be one of my more mentally stimulating posts... because I caught a touch of stupidity last night. I haven't had a night out in a good six months, no joke. Sometimes I like to, sometimes I just don't. I go through stages, and I've been in a homebody stage lately, and just got caught up dealing with a crap load of shit on top of shit. So it was around midnight last night, and I was just waking up... yes, I have a horrible sleep schedule, bouts of insomnia and my body tells me to go fuck myself whenever I make an effort to regulate it. So I just deal. So, a gf I haven't seen since thanksgiving called me, she had been wrapped up in her own shit. She wanted to go out, catch up and I was kind of like, you know, okay, why not. Well, now I know why not. I haven't really drank all that much in months, a glass or two of wine here or there, or beer. Haven't had a drop of liquor since october. Anyway, so we go to this quiet little wine bar, order a bottle of pinot grigio, I don't know what the fuck it was, she ordered it, but it wasn't good. We caught up, yay, good for us, that was nice. Then... she gets a call. Let's go here. It was a little after 2am, oddly enough I wasn't totally not feeling the idea. I hadn't had a nice girls out in a long time. Here's the thing, I had never been to the place, but it did have more of a mature, upscale not frat house style reputation to it. Thankfully, because I hate those places. So we walk in, fuck the cover charge. We meet up with her friend, total sweetheart. The music was great, a mix of 80s and 90s dance. Then I bump into the one guy I had a date with in the last six months. Did I mention it sucked. The only date I had gone on, because I just have had no desire, and forced myself to and it sucked and thus no desire. The room is packed and somehow this fucker finds me. It really didn't matter, because apparently no one had any communication skills or the ability to hold an intelligent conversation. So I found someone that showed promise, not so hard to shine in a crowd of melee apples. That may not be the best analogy, I don't care. So, I wind up taking care of my friend, because, she's the type to let guys buy her shots and I won't unless I'm actually going to hang out with them and I only had one glass of wine there and... she's a lightweight. I have to say this guy was really cool, I've seen guys be total dicks about it, they just don't get that I'm not going to leave a friend I came with. And yes, she's bisexual and I'm bi, so we have made out in the past, because I know half of you are/were wondering. Anyway, this new dickhead drives me home. I never do that, but he was pretty decent, because I had to drive her home in her car and then I would have had to call a cab. He just had a personality and seemed intelligent, and he did and was, it just wasn't a very good one and he lacked the ability to be open minded. Here's where the dickhead part came in. We were having a promising conversation, and then we got into a debate about... yup, baseball. The Yankees. He was a Mets fan, that wasn't the problem. Problem was, I can have a heated discussion and not take it personally, he couldn't. Not only that, but he couldn't debate it for shit, because he had no input, hiss only stance was to constantly challenge me and tell me I was wrong. The fact was we were discussing opinions, so by definition I couldn't be wrong. He didn't get that, he couldn't answer any direct questions and refused to give an opinion other than that mine was wrong. Real nice shiny apple, right? I think he just didn't know as much about baseball or the games as I did but didn't want to admit to it, because he was able to debate prior shit. So other than just saying so, which would have been fine to admit but I guess some guys don't like girls who know more about baseball than they do, I don't know, I don't care frankly. He constantly was trying to turn the table round and round and take control over the conversation. It doesn't really work with me and I really didn't care. I think he had a lot of insecurity issues. He even told my friend he thought all attractive girls were bitches. I didn't find that out until a little later.  There's smart, there's intelligent, there's being open minded, there's a lot that comes into play. More than just intelligent and not so much. So I mentioned something about how it's important to not be so narrow minded as to not be able to at least step outside yourself and look at other people's points of view and how I may be a Yankees fan, but I can watch the tigers or the red sox and appreciate some of their players and the potential they display. Then he made the dickhead comment. When I said the part about the red sox, he said and I quote, "See, now I know you know nothing about baseball and are just another dumb woman.". Yes, I know!!! I got insulted for sort of complimenting the Red Sox of all things!!! So needless to say at this point, I took it personally. I didn't flip out or anything, it just wasn't worth it and I knew for a good half hour it was over, maybe more. I just kinda was having fun letting off steam, even if, ultimately I was having a one sided debate. I also, liked seeing the irritation in him build, it was amusing. Also, you can call me anything you want, it's not going to get to me or shake me. It's going to go in one ear and right out the other. Not because I'm stubborn, even though I am, but because I know what I am and what I'm not. Now if he would have said bitch, I would have probably said "sometimes, yea", but dumb, not in the least bit and I know it. I'm not arrogant either, just secure.  So, I stepped out of his car a little while after that, there was more annoying shit coming out of his mouth... finally he had something to say. I closed the door and was fully prepared to not be the bitch I felt building up inside of me. I wasn't either... but.... he made some dumbass comment about making sure I shut the door all the way and it was nasty, so  I re-opened it and told him to "shut it his fucking self" and walked away. So, I stayed in bed stupid for a few hours. It passed, luckily I don't think I caught anything serious. So this about sums it up... "Argghhhh!!!!", that's my utter, shining, brilliance of the day. I warned, I stated, not my most intellectually stimulating post. Just be careful, stupid is out there, they haven't quite figured out a way to quarantine it yet. It's spreading like wildfire...  Wear a mask, plug up your ears, your asses, do whatever you have to avoid catching it as I do believe there's no known cure.

Clearly, I am being dramatic and joking. So let me just state... there's no fucking crying in baseball, but there are idiots. Here's the thing to. I did text him after that thanking him for helping me with my friend, driving me home, and just stating that I didn't take it personally until he called me dumb and that was just rude and disrespectful and that was something i did not and do not tolerate. Nothing nasty, I did appreciate it. Just because someone has dickhead moments doesn't mean they are, and I do think that was the case with him. I think he was just insecure. I think he didn't exactly know how to handle me, it happens... and the Yankees still rule!!!

An Apple a Day, Keeps the Doctor Away...It's Totally True, I Read it on Wikipedia...

Coming soon...

(I took a break to masturbate, so I'll be back when I feel like it to continue my rant) and no, you can't watch... you can go fuck your own self though. That is something I completely condone. Bye for now.

Ooh... and go Yankees! 

"They"

"Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools,
Believe them to be true,
Don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

And it's ironic too
'Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?
Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

Who are they?
Where are they?
How do they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

And who are they?
Where are they?
How can they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this"

-Jem

If you followed my original blog, as I know many of you have, you will recall that I have a distinct fondness for posting the lyrics of certain favorite songs of mine. This is one of them, They by Jem, I highly recommend at least looking it up on you tube and listening to it at least once, because along with great lyrics, it's actually quite a good song and I am a big fan of the artist. Given my recent rants and what has been circling my mind lately, it seemed a fitting song to throw in. The reason I don't post the video is because it would detract one from the words, so if you like the lyrics, look it up yourself, simple concept. Given the insane amount of power that celebrities hold (just look at what happened with Roman Polanski), the sexual sluttiness but lack of progressiveness in this country, how we see individuals and value them based on their occupation and bank accounts, rather than for the people they are, the growing rate and also decline of a myriad of shit (I could says things or use some other word, but shit just really seems to fit the profile, because that is what it is, it is shit) so, a myriad of shit it is, that I won't get into right now, but simply put, really fucking suck... and given the state of this country, I'm not even going to include the rest of the world in this right now. Just American chaos and society alone, the security and faith, sorry the false sense of it, all tends to come from the oh so powerful source of "They", and we give them that power time and time again, in so many ways, even in just our everyday actions and words alone. Much the way true submission is given not taken. "We" submit to "Them" ... and I am truly sorry for it. So sorry.

I just want to add, in case someone emails me in regards to it, that I am aware of the grammatical use of the word myriad and the debate over the proper use of the word... noun versus adjective, ancient times versus now, yea, I don't give a fuck. Which reminds me "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much" ... commonly misused myriadically (no, that is not an actual word, I am just making/having fun). Anyway, when I hear someone actually throw that phrase in, because it is so well known and a lot of people think they are being cute, I kinda can't help but cringe. First off, I believe it's misquoted, secondly, and this is where I am sure, where we commonly associate it with objection, in Shakespeare's day it was actually meant as an affirmation, as though she insisted too strongly. We've all experienced that before, when someone vehemently declares "trust me" or "I did" or " I am", over and over again to the extent that it's kinda like, I don't know, the lady doth protest too much... basically, you're overdoing it in some way, shape or form and thus me thinks it is a load of crap.

Another thing to add, I will admit to being a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to grammar and english in general. Misuse of different forms of the same word, incorrect spelling, use of the word brung... it is not a word... (only I get to make up words)...using words such as deers *ahem*, the use of good in place of well, the use of mad in place of angry, while these sort of errors commonly draw my attention, I do commit many crimes myself. A common one, for me, is the run on sentence. I have been guilty of it since grade school. My thoughts tend to run on, thus when I speak my sentences run on and so forth. This is, I believe is one of the breakable rules. I have seen, not scene, but seen or rather I have read, that's a question of semantics, anyway, novelists who have written whole paragraphs as one giant run on sentence. I have done it countless times. So, I say, if you happen to not be a fan of the run on sentence, and find yourself to be a stickler for periods when you feel they are due... you can stick a tampon in it.

An Interesting Twist, on One of my Favorite Fables...

A frog was hopping along in the forest, heading home to her family, when all of a sudden she came upon a small river. Now, the frog, being a great swimmer as frogs are, was about to leap into the river in order to cross it - when she heard a voice:
"Is there any chance, kind lady, that you can help me across this river? For I cannot swim."

The frog turned toward the direction of the voice, and was startled to see a scorpion moving toward her on the river bank. Now, everyone knows the history of scorpions - they sting and have a deadly poison. So the frog was understandably a bit frightened, and trembled as she asked the scorpion:

"If I help you across the river, will you promise not to sting me? You see, I am on the way home to my family and they would miss me terribly."

The scorpion answered:

"Kind lady, I understand your concern, but I too am on the way home to my family, and if I sting you, we would both drown, and who wants that? Besides, contrary to what you may have heard, I only sting for self defense - like if a fox should try to eat me. Please do me this great favor - I would be so grateful!"

The frog considered the scorpion's words, which didn't seem like the words of a killer. She thought to herself: "I mean no harm to the scorpion, why should he sting me? If he stings me, we will both drown, and he must value life as much as I. If I help him, he will be my friend - because he knows that I am a nice frog. As my friend, the scorpion would surely tell all the other scorpions that I am a friend, and that they too should never sting me! And they wouldn't sting my frog family or my frog friends either! And we frogs would be more than happy to help all scorpions cross the rivers! And maybe all the scorpions would help protect all the frogs and other small creatures from the truly dangerous creatures of the forest!"

By this time, the frog was so excited about helping the scorpion that she didn't want to even start thinking of reasons not to help. Besides the danger was too scary to think about - compared to the wonderful future that awaits the frogs and other small creatures of the forest with this new era of cooperation. "It will truly be a paradise.", she thought. So the frog crouched down and let the scorpion jump onto her back. She then hopped into the river with the scorpion on her back and began swimming - and she swam beautifully, as frogs do. But when they got to the middle of the river she felt something painful in her side.

"Ouch!" said the frog, "What was that???"

"I just stung you.", said the scorpion.

The frog began to feel the poison take effect. It became harder for her to move, harder to swim. She thought about the paradise of universalistic brotherhood that could have been, and she cried out to the scorpion:

"Why did you do that?! Now we will both drown - we could have been friends! Perhaps you can save yourself; swim to the other side!"

But it was too late, and scorpions can't swim. As they began to sink, the scorpion answered:

"I am not like you; we don't care about dying or making friends. We lie and sting. It is our nature, didn't you know that?"

The frog and the scorpion sank fast to the bottom of the river, and the frog thought about the scorpion's question.

"Yes.", thought the frog, still puzzled that frogs and scorpions should think and act differently, after all, they are both small creatures of the forest. "Maybe I said or did something to anger him...?!", thought the frog.

-Author Unknown...still

I adore the original version of this tale, always have, even as a child it struck a chord in me. The one, essential line that says it all... "I could not help myself, it is my nature". So when I saw that someone had written a new twist on it, I read it, skeptical though because I do believe classics should remain that way, for most often they're rarely improved upon and seldom matched. Though I found myself, smiling. I suppose they made it a bit more user friendly, so to speak. All the things the original gave us, without saying, that made us think, this included. The cliffs notes version more or less. Still, it remains a favorite tale of mine. At our very core, we cannot help ourselves, it is, truly, in our nature. There is no line, nothing that expresses it as bluntly as so. That said, we do have different natures. The frog, would have always given the scorpion a ride, and the scorpion would have always stung him/her. We are what and who we are. The thing that made me laugh towards the end was that the frog was questioning whether she, herself, was at fault. It links back to our inability to see others natures, understand them, if they are not in sync with our own. The fact of the matter is, people rarely change, we do, but it is rare. This is why we see people riding the merry go round over and over again, each time, complaining because it is not the ride they want to take, and yet they continue to get back on the damn thing. Thus, we have the definition of insanity. The inability to step away from ourselves and change our patterns... If I were the frog, I would say no, easy for me to sit here and type that, knowing how it ends, but, the scorpion was no friend of mine and I am not a fan of the odds nor am I a fan of gambling, particularly roulette, of the russian nature. If I were the scorpion, I would have been a patient one and stung the bastard at the shore, if that were my nature. That's me now, not me 5 years ago, however... but that thus defeats the essential purpose of the story, we are who we are... we just have to learn to accept that and be comfortable with it, though oddly enough, as human beings and we can even see this is horror/thriller movies... dramas, tv shows, we have that essential, burning desire, to know why? That's why we open the door in the middle of a horror film and see if anyone is outside. When really, it can just be as simple as, because I can and because it's who I am. It is in my nature... but many of us, I believe,  don't know our own natures... or we our frogs that wish to be scorpions. That's why I think I always admired the scorpion, not for his actions, but because, he knew, that was who he was and didn't apologize for it, he just accepted it and drowned... and though he didn't fight to live, he didn't fight himself while he lived.

There is No Other Woman...

Often, I am asked how much of my persona is me and how much of it is an act. Truth is, there is little, if any distinction. When you meet me, you're meeting me. I think anyone whoever has senses that. The deviousness that haunts the mind of Aurora Storms, also haunts my own. The playfulness and wit. We both have our secrets, because sometimes wicked things should stay that way. We are both open and quite hard to offend, we are both fierce and yet sensual, caring and loyal. We both hate to be lied to, and yet find it extraordinary that so many people are capable of lying to themselves on a daily basis because we can't understand the need to or the desire. Though we do understand the fear. In fact Aurora is more me than... well, "what's in a name..." Even my blackberry says Aurora on it and this is why I am headed to CT to live in my own little world, to create the world I live in and bring it to life for others to enjoy as well. I go to extremes for my ideals, for myself, my convictions and close loved ones. I know what I want and I am more than content with who I am. I could live anywhere, or I could create someplace... it's obvious and some might say unhealthy, but to be blunt, I really don't give a fuck, it's not their life. It's not their choice. Isn't that the whole point of free will or does it even really exist anymore if in fact it ever did. I went after my own happiness first, I found it in me and I continue to feed it. I may be selfish, but I'm happy and passionate about my life and what I aim to create. I couldn't find a path I wanted to stroll down so I took a knife, hacked through the branches and created one and I continue to do so... keep following me, you'll see exactly what I mean over the next few years. I'm going to recreate the bdsm scene to where I imagine it to be, where many of us have grown bored and tired, disenchanted with it, it will become, I will push it to...levels of depravity uncalled for, intense, raw... real...a place of decadence, unrestrained, creative and unprecedented.

The biggest fool is often the one looking back at you in the mirror. I may be many things, but I am no fool. I am only me, it's all I know how to be. I may channel different parts and emotions, but I don't fake them, they exist inside of me and I wish only to release them. So no, there is no other woman... I love and am, only myself, regardless of name. "So what if you can see the darkest side of me"?